Roy was quiet as he drove the truck to the beach. He was feeling butterflies in his stomach. Sitting beside him was a boy who had stolen his heart the first time he'd seen the sad smile.

"Hey, you okay?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, just never been to the beach before." Johnny spoke quietly.

Roy parked the car in the public lot. He watched Johnny get out of the truck. He noticed the shiver that escaped the younger man. "Here." Roy handed Johnny his sweater. "I shoulda had you get a jacket while we were at your house."

"Thanks, Roy." Johnny pulled the sweater on and snuggled into it. It was almost three sizes too big, but that didn't bother the shorter boy. "This is warm."

"I got it from my mom." Roy said.

"Wow. I'm going out for track next spring. I like to run." Johnny walked close to Roy as they headed down the stairs for the beach.

Roy noticed that Johnny wasn't beside him anymore when he had gone ten feet onto the beach. He turned around and saw Johnny still standing on the bottom step. He walked back over. "What's the matter?"

"Shouldn't I take my shoes off?" Johnny looked at his feet. His shoes had holes in them but they were his only pair.

"No, you don't hafta unless you want to." Roy assured Johnny. He then watched the play of emotions going over the boy's face. He sighed inwardly then sat down on the bottom step. He proceeded to untie his sneakers. He pulled them off and tucked his socks into the toes of the shoes. After tying the laces together and rolling up his jeans, Roy stood and threw the shoes over his left shoulder. He then turned and headed back to the sand. Johnny sat down and took off his shoes. He cringed when he saw Roy watching him. He had no socks to stuff in the toes, so he just rolled up his jeans and tied the laces together. He then stood and stepped off the stairs.

"What's the matter, Junior?" Roy noticed that Johnny was smiling.

"It's warm." Johnny was in awe. He'd never felt anything like it on his bare feet. He was used to walking on rough surfaces and grass. Never before had he walked on anything this giving and warm before.

"Yea, it holds the heat from having the sun beating down on it all day." Roy walked back over to Johnny. He then put his right arm around Johnny's shoulders. "Let's go, I want to show you something."

They walk for about ten minutes before Roy stops. "See those rocks?" Roy pointed to an outcropping of rocks. "I want to sit on them."

"How are we going to get up there?" Johnny was looking up thinking that he'd die trying to climb up there.

"There's a path, come on." He then grabbed Johnny's hand and half dragged his friend along with him.

They made it to the top of the rocks and sat on the edge of the biggest one.

"Isn't this beautiful?" Roy whispered.

"Yea. Thanks for bringing me here." Johnny spoke only slightly louder than Roy.

"Hey, you all right?" Roy moved closer to Johnny. "Let's go sit on the sand." He then led Johnny back down to the sand. They walked along until they came to a fire pit.

Roy gathered up some of the driftwood that was in the area. He then patted his pockets looking for a book of matches. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to have a light, would you?"

"Yea," Johnny went over to the fire pit and bent down. He pulled his ZippoŽ lighter. Flipping the lid on the lighter he then lit the fire.

They sat side by side on a large log just watching the fire and listening to the waves lap at the shore.

They talked about small things, about where Roy grew up and what he had planned for the future, and where Johnny was from.

Roy was slowing falling in love with this dark haired young man. He kept telling himself that it was wrong, and that it couldn't and shouldn't happen, but he couldn't stop the feelings from happening.

"What are you thinking about?" Johnny asked.

"You." Roy replied. He then moved closer to Johnny. "Are you warm enough?"

"Yeah, you?" Johnny also moved closer.

"Well, now that you ask, I'm getting kinda chilly." Roy looked over at Johnny and drew in his breath. Sometime since they sat down, Johnny had removed the rubber band that he had used to hold his hair back. Now Johnny's hair was down and framing his face. 'God.' Roy thought.

"Why don't you move closer? We can share the sweater." Johnny again moved closer to Roy.

Roy sighed and did just that. He put his arm around Johnny's waist and pulled the smaller man towards him. They sat like that for several minutes. Roy then turned to face Johnny. He noticed that Johnny was watching him.

They slowly brought their heads together. Roy softly took Johnny's lips with his. He inhaled when he felt Johnny respond to his kiss by opening his lips and probing Roy's lips with his tongue. Roy opened his mouth and let Johnny in. They were soon lost in the passion that was building between the two.

Roy pulled apart needing to breathe. He looked around, glad he'd chosen this spot. It was deserted and dark. Roy lifted his hands and started lifting Johnny's shirt. He didn't even bother with the buttons, he just had to feel the younger mans skin.

Johnny shrugged out of the jacket and pulled his shirt over his head. He then pulled Roy's hands on to his chest. "Yes," He moaned.

Roy gently pushed Johnny off the log and onto the sand. "You're so soft." He mumbled as he took one of Johnny's small nipples into his mouth. He lightly licked and sucked on the small nubs. He ran his hands up and down Johnny's torso, relishing in how smooth and hairless the young mans skin is.

Johnny starts moaning louder and then begins pushing at Roy's shirt. He finally gets the shirt over Roy's head and begins petting Roy's chest. "Ahh, Roy."

Roy reaches down and starts to undo the snap on Johnny's jeans. He reached into the denim and grasped Johnny's hard cock. He started rubbing his hand up and down the hard shaft. He stopped to push the jeans down the slim legs. He smiled as he got a close look at the smile on Johnny's face. Roy then stood and removed his own jeans and shorts. He then laid down on top of Johnny.

"Ah, you feel so good." Roy panted as he again took Johnny's lips with his.

They came together in passion that night on the beach.

Roy was sitting on the log watching Johnny sleep on the sand beside him. He wondered how Johnny knew just exactly what to do. He thought back at how Johnny willingly and wontingly gave Roy a blow job. He also wondered how he had been able to take things further than he'd ever gone with anyone, male or female, before.

Johnny stirred awake still floating from the feelings Roy had brought out in him. He smiled as he sat up. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Roy spoke back. "How?" He then asked.

"How what?" Johnny sat the rest of the way up and scooted over to the log. He leaned back against the log and looked out at the water and sky.

"How did you know what to do?" Roy moved from the log to sit on the sand beside Johnny. "I mean, no ones ever done that before. You acted as if you knew what to do and how to do it."

"That's because I've done it before." Johnny was nonchalant about it.

"What do you mean by that?" Roy was beginning to wonder if he'd been had by this kid.

"What I mean by that, is that I am gay and I have been fucked before." Johnny sat up straighter and looked Roy in the eye. "You're all right aren't you? I mean, you're not mad at me?" Johnny's face clouded over and he looked like he was going to cry.

"Johnny? Look at me, babe? Please?" Roy was feeling so guilty for hurting his new friend.

Johnny reluctantly looked at Roy. "I wanna go home now. Please?"

"I'm so sorry, Johnny. I didn't mean to upset you. I am not mad at you. I made you feel good, right? I sure hope so, because you made me feel oh, so good." Roy tried to pull Johnny to him, but the younger man pushed away.

"You got what you wanted, now I want to go home." Johnny stood and pulled his shirt on. He then picked up his shoes as he zipped his jeans. Roy watched as Johnny headed back the way they'd come.

Roy finished putting his clothes back on and scrambled to catch up with Johnny. "HEY! WAIT UP! Fuck!" Roy tried to get Johnny's attention but he wasn't succeeding.

When Roy got to his truck, he looked around. Johnny was sitting on the rear bumper. His shoulders were hitching like he was crying.

"Johnny?" Roy whispered as he knelt down in front of the young man. "I'm sorry I upset you. I honestly don't know what I did though. Please talk to me."

Johnny sniffed then wiped his nose on his shirt sleeve. "Please, Roy, just take me home? I'm sorry, I upset you, but I did what you wanted, now take me home."

Roy was beginning to see the light. "Johnny, I am not mad at you or anything. I think we should talk about what is wrong. Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Johnny started to stutter. "Yyou...you did..n't do any..anything wrong. I...I did."

"What did you do wrong?" Roy sat down beside Johnny. This caused the young man to stand and start pacing.

"I started all this. I was the one who started all this by coming on to you." Johnny started walking toward the street. "Please, just take me home. I won't do it again, I promise."

Roy was totally baffled now. He thought all this time that the feelings were mutual. Now he wasn't so sure. He continued to watch Johnny walk towards the highway. "Dammit." Roy then hopped into his truck and headed for Johnny. "Get in dammit!"

Johnny stopped walking and slumped. He turned and got into the truck. "Sorry." He mumbled. "I ruined your evening."

"No you didn't. Do you want to talk about it?" Roy was really worried about his friend. "I..." He couldn't finish.

"No, I don't. You wouldn't understand." Johnny sighed. He wished he had a cigarette.

"Okay, but if you need someone to listen, I'll be here." Roy then drove in silence.

When Roy stopped at the house Johnny was living in, he looked at Johnny. "I like you, Johnny. I want to stay your friend."

Johnny finally looked at Roy. "You do? You're not disgusted with me?"

"Why would I be disgusted with you? You're one of the nicest guys I know." Roy scooted over closer to Johnny after turning the truck off and setting the break.

"Really?" Johnny looked into the blue eyes of his new friend.

"Really." Roy then leaned in and kissed Johnny oh so gently on the lips. "Really and truly."

"Thanks, Roy." Johnny then opened the door and hopped out. "I had a nice time."

Johnny slept that night without the usual nightmares. He dreamt of the man who had treated him so sweetly and with such care and all he could do was see the bad within the good. He knew that Roy wasn't mad at him, nor that Roy hated him. He just had to learn that he was someone worth something.

Roy also slept well that night. It wasn't until the next day that he questioned what had happened the night before. 'I hope I haven't ruined our friendship.' He thought and prayed as he showered the next morning.

Big Bear California, November 7th, 1981

Johnny was sitting on the bed watching his lover sleep. They had spent the night making soft, sweet love to celebrate Roy's birthday. Before the love, Johnny had told Roy a bed time story. The story of their first time together that late September night at Huntington Beach when Roy was Eighteen and Johnny was Fifteen.

Roy had loved the story. He was sad when Johnny had told him that he was upset about their first time, but he had felt better knowing that they had talked about it.

Johnny felt Roy shift beside him. "Morning."

"Morning yourself. How long have you been awake?" Roy stretched then sat up bringing the heavy quilt with him.

"Before the sun came up." Johnny spoke softly. "Happy Birthday."

Roy kissed Johnny, holding the man close to his body. "Thank you, Love. You gave me the best gift last night."

"Oh, what was that?" Johnny hadn't even given Roy any of the many presents he'd bought.

"Yourself and our story. Now tell me, where did you learn to give head like that." Roy snuggled up to Johnny putting his head on his lover's shoulder.

"You know I ran away from home, what you don't know is that one of the things I did to get to California, is..." Johnny still had a hard time talking about his past, especially this part of his past.

"It's okay, Johnny. You can tell me anything. It doesn't change anything." Roy kissed Johnny's chest then slowly rubbed his hand in small circles on Johnny's stomach. Johnny sighed and held Roy closer.

"I turned tricks." Johnny held his breath waiting for Roy to show his disgust with him.

"Oh, Johnny, I am so, so, sorry. You had it so hard. Didn't you? I wish I could go back in time and take care of you. I'd take away all your hurt and make you feel good about yourself." Roy moved to take Johnny into his arms and hold him close. "Please, don't be sad."

"You don't hate me?" Was all Johnny could say.

"Why would I hate you?" Roy was taken aback by Johnny's question.

"Anyone else who ever found out about that part of my past would leave me. This one guy, Marty, he beat the shit outta me, then threw a twenty dollar bill at me before he left the apartment. He told me that I had to move out that night. I had no where to go." Johnny felt the tears forming in his eyes and the humiliation building in his soul.

"That was the night you showed up on my doorstep looking like something the cat drug in, wasn't it?" Roy asked remembering that winter night just a few short years ago.

"Yea, I fucked up big time that night. I never saw Marty again. The worst part, is that Marty's a firefighter too. He worked outta 110's then, I think he's one of the Engineers at 127's now." Johnny picked up a tissue and blew his nose.

"I remember him. Man, I hope I never see his face." Roy let the threat stand.

"Please, Roy. Don't go looking for trouble from Marty, believe me, you'll get it." Johnny made Roy promise. "Besides, I love your face just the way it is." Johnny finished with a peck on the nose.

"Okay, I won't go looking for trouble. Now, are you planning on feeding me or what?" Roy smiled.

"Help me into the bathroom and then we'll go out to that restaurant downstairs. It's snowing, so we won't be going out today. I thought that after breakfast we could come back up here and watch the snow fall while we held each other and picked up where we left off the night before." Johnny was loving this man more every day.

"I like the way you think." Roy then stood and pulled his robe around his nude body. He then helped Johnny into his robe and then into his wheelchair. Then they went into the bathroom and shared the shower.

True to his word, after breakfast, Johnny took Roy back to their room and picked up where they'd left off the night before.

the end

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