Dear John
copyright 2001
Roy sat at the table he had shared with his lover for far too little
time. He stared at the pad of paper that sat in front of him,
contemplating how he was going to do this.
Johnny had died two days earlier at a fire that had gone
horribly wrong. Roy was listed as next of kin and also as the
one to give the eulogy at the service. Roy spent the last forty-eight hours trying to come up with what to say.
He turned on the radio and sat there listening to all the happy
music. This made him sick to his stomach. 'Don't they understand?
My lover died two days ago and I don't know what to say.' He
raged to himself and the radio.
Roy picked up the pen and wrote the first words that came to
mind, Dear John,. Roy then stopped as someone rang the
door bell.
Battalion Chief Hank Stanley stood at the door with hat in
hand. He had not been there the day John Gage died, he was
off on vacation and Chief Andrews had been running the scene.
"Roy, I am so sorry. I know this is hard on you. Is there
anything at all I can do for you?" Hank wrapped his arms
around the grieving man hugging him trying to give him some
of his strength.
Roy pulled back and shook his head, "No Hank, there's
nothing you can do. I'm just so damn tired. I close my eyes and
I see him. I took a walk out down to the lake and I swear I saw
and heard him ride by on Shayla. It hurts so bad. We didn't get
a lifetime like we promised each other. Hell, we barely got six
years. Why did it have to be Johnny?" Roy then finally broke
down and cried for his lost lover.
Hank held the grieving man for several hours until Roy was
cried out. He had watched as Chet, Mike and Marco stopped by
and left there condolences in the way of food that had been
made by their wives or mothers. Hank saw that Roy ate and
took care of the animals before tucking him away in the bed he
had shared with Johnny for just shy of six years.
Roy stood at the podium of St. James Presbyterian Church at
1 pm the next day. He looked at his note pad seeing that it still
only contained the two words 'Dear John'
Roy took a moment then began to speak, "I started to write
something for us when I realized what I really wanted to do was
write something for Johnny. Bear with me please while I read
this letter."
Roy took a deep breath and a drink of water. Then he began,
"Dear John, I miss you so much. You took a dark time in my life
and turned it around. You made me laugh and rejoice in your
love. You had such a rough life when you were younger, yet
you still kept your faith in humanity. I will never forget how I felt
when that virus felled you or when that damn snake made you
his afternoon snack. The pain I felt as I treated you after that
asshole hit you with his sports car. Damn it Johnny, why'd you
have to be such a hero? Why did you have to die?
I was sitting by our lake the other day when I saw someone
ride by on a horse. I could've sworn it was you on Shayla, I so
wanted to call out and ask you to stop. I hear you walking
around the house at night searching for that elusive snack that
will keep you sated until morning. You used to always end up
turning to me to help you. John, I held you through more
nightmares than one man should ever have to got through and
patched ya up almost as many times. We spent many days off
sitting by the lake fishing or talking or just making out like a
couple of teenagerss. You loved to take me and the kids up the hills
camping or horseback riding.
I know all the people that will be here on this day expect me to
spend a lot of time talking about all that you've done with your
time in the fire department. But I know that all these people are
well aware of your accomplishments. I mean, hell Junior, you
were one of the last hero's of our time. You jumped in whenever
necessary no matter what the risk to you was. I watched you
pull victims out of some very tight spots and high places. Man
you had me scared and worried there at times. But that was you.
You loved kids and animals and all the earth around you. You
belong to that earth and today I am giving you back. I don't
want to. I want you to be here with me until we grow old, but
God or the spirits have deemed it necessary to call you home.
So now I write this letter to you and hope that you can hear
every word that I say and hope you know how much I love you
and miss you.
To day I say good by to my love and my life.
Dear John,
I love you with all my heart and will miss you all the
rest of my days on this earth.
All my love,
Pally.
Roy bowed his head and said a quick silent prayer before
he went back to his seat. He was quickly surrounded by loved
ones and friends. Roy felt Johnny pass through him and all
around him. He looked up and winked.
~fini~
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